Khanh the Killjoy

So bad it's good

The Heiresses - Sara Shepard
"My life’s sort of in danger. I should probably lie low.”
“You sound a little Kim Kardashian overdramatic, honey."

Don't let my rating fool you, this book is unbelievably bad, but sometimes, I just want a trashy book.

Everyone's cheating on everyone else. People are fucking like rabbits. Beloved cousin's husband? Doesn't matter. Engaged to an awesome oil billionaire and college sweetheart and THIS close to being married? Doesn't matter. Dad's friend? Doesn't matter. A 50-something screwing an underaged girl? Go for it. Sex tapes? Yep! Villains who sneak around with shifty eyes? Check! A family curse? It's there! Shadowy people lurking in corners? Got it! Secret babies and pregnancies? You bet! #whitegirlproblems? Fuck yeah! #richpeopleproblems? You got it!

So why do I like this book? Sometimes, I just don't want to think. This is bad and entertaining in the same vein as Passions or Gossip Girl or *shudders* Reign. Oh, I know how bad Reign on the CW is. I mean, it portrays 17th century France as some sort of medieval fantasy, in which the ladies in court wear prom dresses, and says "Fuck you" to historical accuracy. It's really fucking bad, and I watch it like I can watch a train wreck: in horrified fascination. This is that sort of book.

This book is trashy. It is brain candy. It is mental floss. There is no thinking involved whatsoever. I haven't read Pretty Little Liars but I know the premise, and to me, this book is an adult Pretty Little Liars mixed with Gossip Girl. It is so, so bad, trust me. Unless you are prepared to be amused by this book, you're not going to like it.

Did I say it's bad? It's bad. In case I forgot to mention it in the previous three paragraphs or something. I sometimes have a tendency to underemphasize things *snort*

The Summary:

They were the heiresses, all right, the sparkling princesses of a family that might or might not be doomed. But by Edith’s standards, they hadn’t been behaving like heiresses at all.
And it was only a matter of time before the world found out.

The Saybrooks are American royalty. Like the Kennedys, without the political empire, but with everything else besides that. All-American good looks. The money. The star power. The family curse. The notoriety that comes with it.

No one could get enough of the legendary American family that was so blessed with fortune and beauty, yet cursed with a string of mysterious sudden deaths.

There's Corinne, 27-year old businesswoman, engaged to Texan oil heir Dixon. Corinne, successful, but plain.

Corinne spent enough money on her looks, but her long forehead, square jaw, and thick eyebrows equated to something more handsome than pretty. Her shoulders were broad like her father’s, her chest small like her mother’s, her legs too thick and pale even after hours of Pilates, countless meals uneaten, and thousands spent on spray-tanning.

And not enough to win the love of her parents, who dote on her younger sister, 23-year old Aster, radiant with beauty, a wild socialite/party girl who's scared straight and forced to *gasp* work, when her parents get fed up of her wild ways.

“It’s time you got a job. I’ve talked to HR, and they’re finding an assistant position for you in one of the departments.”
“A job?” Aster sputtered.
Mason stood, the discussion clearly over. “You’ve got to grow up sometime, Aster. And that time is now.”

Rowan is their cousin, 32-year old brilliant lawyer, Rowan, who is beautiful, successful, intelligent...but who harbors a secret love.

She’d known James for nearly fifteen years, and she’d loved him every minute.

Which wouldn't be so bad, except James is married to her beloved cousin, beautiful 34-year old Poppy. Poppy, who has beautiful children, an adoring husband.

“Poppy has it all,” said Amelia, a little unkindly. “And we all kind of hate her.”

Poppy, who is the first to die. Murdered.

“I know I’m not the only one who’s had questions about Poppy’s death,” she said gravely. “I’ve brought you all here to tell you that Poppy didn’t commit suicide. She was murdered.”

And then there's 23-year old Natasha, a cousin who has turned her back on the family.

The fact that Natasha had recently disinherited herself was the subject of much speculation. Why would one of America’s heiresses give up her fortune?

Each of these cousins have their secrets. Corinne, though engaged, has a secret love who has recently emerged from the past. She has a scar that holds a terrible secret.

...her gaze drifted to the scar below her navel. It was something she rarely looked at, the sight of it still surprising after all these years.

Her sister Aster knows something that would destroy Corinne if she ever finds out.

What Corinne didn’t know was that Aster had protected her all these years. She’d preserved Corinne’s perfect little view of their family. Oh, there’d been plenty of times when Aster had almost blurted out what she knew, but something inside her had held back, knowing it would shatter her sister even more than it had shattered Aster.

Poppy might have been seeing someone behind her husband James' back.

James’s voice was suddenly sober. He placed his hands on his knees, a pained expression on his face. “Rowan...I think Poppy’s cheating on me.”

And James isn't exactly innocent, since he's been fucking Rowan behind his wife's back.

“He was at my apartment. In my bed. Are you happy now?” Rowan hid her face in her hands.

And Natasha? Why has she suddenly resurfaced after all these years. What kind of secrets is she holding?

After all that had just happened, all they’d just confessed and argued over, Natasha was texting? “Who are you talking to?” she snapped.

And then there's the gossip blog, The Beautiful and the Cursed, that has all the insider information on the cousins. Who's behind Gossip Girl The Beautiful and the Cursed?!

One heiress down, four to go.


Other Notes: This is the part where I usually do my analysis. I can't. There is no analysis. This book is so transparent, it's not even funny. There is no character development. There's roughly 193848457983475 characters to keep track of. The secrets aren't secrets at all, because a 2nd grader can guess what's going on. Everyone's fucking everyone else, so there's no point in even attempting a relationship analysis. It's so, so bad.

And I kind of enjoyed it. What can I say? #guiltyascharged

Sometimes, a person just needs some mindless entertainment.